Here I Am

Again.

169 posts out of 365 days. What is that? Almost 50%, right? Plus, you know, the ten or so drafts waiting around for me to finish up and post. So, not a bad showing, considering my ideal versus my reality. But not the 100% I envisioned this time last year.

I'm conflicted.

Part of me wants to berate myself for slacking so badly. Another part of me thinks 50% is actually really good, realistically. The rest of me wonders if I should close this book, or make another go at it for 2012. It was supposed to be a one year project. But it's not as if I've run out of things to be thankful for.

Should I continue on? Could I continue on? If I do, it's important to take into consideration the very real fact: I may not be any more capable of completing a year of Thankful Heart posts this year than I was last year. Will my self-esteem survive the beating I will most likely give it if I start again but do not finish (again)? Maybe that will be offset by the fact that gratitude unexpressed is wasted.

I dunno. Being "under the weather" makes me a little morose and introspective. Maybe I should tackle all of this existential angst when I'm feeling better.

I'm conflicted.

But! I am grateful for my life, and for the opportunity to take stock of who I am and where I am, what I have been blessed with and what I have to offer. 2011 was a very blessed year for me, because I deliberately chose to focus on the blessings. I look forward to more of the same in 2012.  Perhaps that's my answer.