Sunday, January 1

Here I Am


169 posts out of 365 days. What is that? Almost 50%, right? Plus, you know, the ten or so drafts waiting around for me to finish up and post. So, not a bad showing, considering my ideal versus my reality. But not the 100% I envisioned this time last year.

I'm conflicted.

Part of me wants to berate myself for slacking so badly. Another part of me thinks 50% is actually really good, realistically. The rest of me wonders if I should close this book, or make another go at it for 2012. It was supposed to be a one year project. But it's not as if I've run out of things to be thankful for.

Should I continue on? Could I continue on? If I do, it's important to take into consideration the very real fact: I may not be any more capable of completing a year of Thankful Heart posts this year than I was last year. Will my self-esteem survive the beating I will most likely give it if I start again but do not finish (again)? Maybe that will be offset by the fact that gratitude unexpressed is wasted.

I dunno. Being "under the weather" makes me a little morose and introspective. Maybe I should tackle all of this existential angst when I'm feeling better.

I'm conflicted.

But! I am grateful for my life, and for the opportunity to take stock of who I am and where I am, what I have been blessed with and what I have to offer. 2011 was a very blessed year for me, because I deliberately chose to focus on the blessings. I look forward to more of the same in 2012.  Perhaps that's my answer.


  1. your forgot to "count" the down stream benefits of all the thankful posts others made on their own posts, FB posts, or just to themselves because of your example. Collectively I'm sure we made 100% of the days.
    Well done AMBER!

  2. Please do! I have enjoyed learning some of the thoughts and impressions that perhaps you don't think that I'll think are important, but that I really do because everything about you is important to me.


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